Kingdom Hearts: The Movie RE:dux Faux Pas: Ansem's Revenge
by BleachedMerc
Summary: After an extreme battle using every elixir we had left. A poor decision made... leads to disasterous results. Perhaps the worse story ever written. Do Not Read under any circumstances. You have been warned.
1. Ansem's Revenge

Due to a ridiculously ill-informed decision by a corporate executive that was drunk at the time, formerly in a gruesome car accident that left him with multiple concussions AND a brain tumor that formed after a botched lobotomy, a contract was drawn up forcing this particular author/narrator to star Ben Affleck in multiple stories starting Sora.

That's right, Ben "I'm blind so I must be tone daft too" Affleck.

Ben "My movies have all sucked since 1972" Affleck.

Ben "I can't get into movies on my own so I have to direct and cast myself" Affleck.

And my personal favorite:

Ben "You can't remember which Jennifer it was that was involved but you still remember the guy as Bennifer" Affleck.

Now he had been sent in from the future to ruin Sora the same way he had ruined Batman... remember, he's from the future.

No, that doesn't make him any more dangerous.

Or smarter.

Or any advantage whatsoever.

He's probably a robot.

That would explain why his acting skills need a firmware update.

And why he hasn't yet because nobody wants to take the time out to improve this guy. Even Matt Damon ran away and refuses to respond to this guys calls.

In fact the only guy to answer the phone when Affleck calls is Nicholas Cage, because Nicholas Cage doesn't say no to any role he's offered.

"You're like me to star as Riku alongside you in Kingdom Hearts: The Movie? Radical! You can count me in, Affleck"

This...

Is the worst tale ever written.

_Steven Seagull_

_George Clooney_

_Presents_

_A Hollywood Butch. Film_

_Directed by A. Bucket_

_**KINGDOM HEARTS: THE MOVIE**_

_**ANSEM'S REVENGE**_

"Wake up, you lazy bum!" Kaiwee said. (Played by some fourth grade student borrowed from the Disney Vault)

"Huh?! What?! _So_ not _Cool, _Carrie." Ben Affleck said wearing a pair of tiny red shorts, yellow clown shoes and an undone vest.

Kaiwee giggled. Looking up at the much taller man and his permanent 6 o'clock shadow.

"Blleudjufjdujdsdjdfdd" Nick Cage said leaping up behind them wearing a blue wig, fisherman waders and a pair of suspenders. "You're just as bad as he is, Kary."

Nick Cage smirked his made-famous smirk.

"Ricky!" Ben Affleck protested, running a hand through his short hair. "Don't scare me like that! God!"

"Don't give me lip!" Nick Cage bitchslapped Ben Affleck hard enough to make him stumble out into the surf. "_Gawd!_" Yup, he sure showed Ben Affleck how to deliver that line.

"Let's have a race!" Kaiwee said, raising her hand. "Get ready! Set!"

She took off running down the beach giggling.

Nick Cage got to his feet and started running (If you could call it that, it looked more girly than _**she**_ did) and giggling in a girlier manner than Kaiwee.

"Oh you _Guys_!" Ben Affleck pawed at the air like a drowned cat before frolicking after them like some cheapo condiment commercial.

A guy wearing a stuffed Goofy outfit ran up behind them and then began tickling Ben Affleck until he farted.

Kaiwee stopped dead in her tracks, deeply disturbed. She walked off set and wasn't seen again for the rest of the movie.

The skies grew dark and Nick Cage turned around with a flashlight shining on his chin. He made his best creepy face (way better than _the bees _meme, a bit closer to creepy Jack Nicholson)

"The door is open, _Sora!_"

Ben Affleck beamed him in the face with an aluminum bat made to look like a key by heavily doctored construction paper.

"No! I'm Batmantanman!" He said with a snarl.

"This world has been connected." CG Ansem said, clearly ripped from the game and superimposed via greenscreen.

Wearing a baseball cap that nobody will ever figure out how he got it. Ben Affleck readied his KeyBat and smashed Darkside upside the face.

The guy dressed up as Goofy ran over (and stopping to place down a real life duck playing Donald, complete with a little drawstring cap) grabbed Ben Affleck's hands and they hopped around in a happy little dance.

The camera zoomed in on Ben Afflecks' glee face and then panned back out to show the duck waddling away.

Leon, played by a very-less-than-enthused David Boreanaz begrudgingly crossed his arms for his one screen.

Ben Affleck did his pathetically best sad face and said "I'm looking for my friends, Ralpho and Kai-!"

The scene was cut off since they lost all rights to Kaiwee when she walked off set, all her parts have been removed from the film.

The next scene showed another glee-filled happy scene with Ben Affleck, the duck and the creepy guy dressed up as Goofy. It was another tickling scene, this one in the Gummi Ship.

The laughter from the tickling continued until the Gummi ship crashed into a horribly lame CG'd Deep Jungle.

There was a really fast-paced montage of a real live leopard, a real live gorilla and the watermelon vendor from Cowboy Bebop episode 17: Mushroom Samba, but dressed up like Tarzan.

"Friends.. are in my heart..." Ben Affleck clutched at his chest, coming to terms with this revelation before having his crest groped by the three fingered mitt of the actor playing Goofy.

"I know now!" Ben Affleck said, mustering his best serious face. "Kimmerdarts is Light!"

"Nooooo!" CG Ansem died when Crazy Riku AKA Nick Cage shown his flashlight at him.

Nick Cage started to close the door. "Take care of -!"

The scene immediately cut to a guy in a mickey mouse costume joining the guy in the guy costume in tickling Ben Affleck and Nicholas Cage until they had accidents.

_**The End.**_

_Note: __This story lacks any and all mention of Kairi and Pooh Sticks as ordered by the people in charge._

_This story is entirely non-canon, as it was deemed too stupid/ridiculous/brain-dead for even BleachedMerc._

_What the hell were we thinking signing on Ben Affleck for an indefinite amount of these?_

_We are truly and sincerely sorry._

_We will definitely break our contract. Thank goodness Ben Affleck is too stupid to read the fine print. There will be a long legal battle but Phoenix Wright has agreed to defend us and like his movies, Ben Affleck only has himself to fall back on, we'll be fine._

_Thank you and good night._


	2. Kary's Revenge

Deep in the middle west...

Amidst the concrete jungle that is downtown Los Angeles...

Lived... a hobbit.

But he wasn't just ANY hobbit.

He was a hobbit known as...

Ansem the Brave.

Now, Ansem the Brave was a brave little hobbit living on the shores of Altadena Drive and Templin Highway, in a little village known as... Studio 2.

Now Ansem the Brave was a brave little hobbit. He couldn't see over the sink, the doorknobs were all MUCH too high for him, and if he forgot a stool before going into the bathroom... well...

But Hobbits... they weren't like the other Disney fairy tale creatures, in fact they were so hated and scorned by all the little... Fairies and... talking pigs... and... Aflac Ducks... that they were only allowed to come out and play... in Hobbiton.. a little village owned by the notoriously famous kind hearted man living out of Studio 4: Peter Jackson.

Now Peter Jackson doesn't appear in this story, I'm sorry to say. But if you happen to be a hobbit.. contact him. He MAY just make a movie about you.

Now, Ansem the Brave.. he was a brave little hobbit, for he decided he was going to do that one thing nobody ever expected him to do...

write a script for:

**KINGDOM HEARTS: THE MOVIE 2**

**KARY'S REVENGE**

**(****_special note: Now's a good time to look up Uruk Hai battle music_****)**

_BEN AFFLECK IS_

_BATMANNANMAN/Sora/Racksis_

_GEORGE CLOWNEY IS_

_George Clowney in a Goofy Suit_

_NICK CAGE AS_

_Merlin/Yen Sid/Ricky/Dark Ricky/The Magic Mirror/All seven dwarfs/A pigeon_

_MC HAMMER AS_

_Kary/Kary's Ghost_

_ and A Brave Little Hobbit Pictures Presents_

**KINGDOM HEARTS: THE MOVIE 2**

**KARY'S REVENGE**

(WHOOSH)

(Letters hit the screen)

(Cue funky dance intro)

(Fade to black)  
(Cue Ben Affleck)

"By night I protect the fair city of gofham. From its... Penguins.. and Jokers... and..." Ben Affleck faded onto the screen. "I want to line the pieces up."

"That weird dream again!" Ben Affleck (now blonde) woke up in his bed to the sound of mortar shells raining down in the background. "Him again."

Throwing on his army helmet but neglecting to use the straps like a good little rebel, he grabbed his M1 Garand rifle and kicked open the door of his little one room house and began firing at the enemy: Olette, Pence and Hayner, played by the cast of iCarly.

They went down without much of a fight.

Then he froze.

Standing behind him, in a white jumpsuit was Nobody Goofy. Who shot laser beams from his eyes.

As Ben Aflac ran and dove for safety, Nobody Goofy was smashed in the face with an orange frisbee.

It was Carrot Top!

"Name A-X-I-S. Got it written down or something?"

The laugh track laughed.

"I don't know you..." Ben said, picking up a stick. In a flash of top of the line 1960's special effects it suddenly had construction paper glued to the end of it making it appear like a key.

"I hate you soooo much!" Ben Affect slashed down the horrible comedian where he stood. He lit on fire and melted.

"Carly!" Ben ran over to his friend. M.C. Hammer wearing a white dress and a blond wig. "Wait, you're not Carrie!"

"No, rocktrack. You and I are special people. Not nobodies, because we have homes and chill. We chill wit our families. And with friends. And with friends that could be family if they only stopped picking their noses in public. Ya feel me? Naw, I ain't no Kairi, bro. I Kairi's ghost. Nimanim. Word."

"No?" Ben raised his eyebrow.

"Sora! Wake up! Wake up Sora! You're not Racksis! You're not!"

"Who's there?" MC Hammer started to dance as he looked around.

"Me." Nick Cage flashed his flashlight at MC Hammer.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo! The weakness of every ghost! An artifical source of liiiiiiiight..."

MC Hammer faded away.

"Ricky! You just killed Kaiwee!"

"I'm not Ricky..." Nick Cage said. "I'm Dark Ricky!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo!"

Ben Affleck woke up in a space pod from the Men in Black movie.. you know.. the weird seats from when Agent Jay had to write the test?

His hair was back to normal.

"Yay!" He danced with the weird guy wearing the Goofy Suit and the little live goose wearing the tiny sailor outfit that had replaced Donald Duck.

More 1960's special effects and suddenly he was wearing clothes that fit.

"Thank you magic flying hobbit that replaced the three fairies because the three good fairies are meany poopiepants that tease and harass short people!"

Ben took it all in. It had been a year since the last movie in in-movie time, but had really been five years since the original movie came out.

"Oh no! Kary! And Ricky! My island!... my friends..."

"We're your friends now, Sopa." Goofy said.

The goose waddled away off screen and attacked a cameraman.

Goofy began tickling Ben, but because Ansem the Brave had final editing rights he quickly cut that scene to the END of the film accidently... since he was... you know, too short to properly see the screen.

"Don't you remember what that's like? Emotions?" Ben accused the generic bad guy. "Zimmess!"

"Unfortunately..." Zimmess, played by the wicked shakespearean actor Sean Bean said, "I don't."

And then Ricky pulled off his old man disguise and beamed him with his flashlight (powered by duracell batteries.)

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo!" Zimmess died.

"I wasn't really Dark Rickoo! I was just pretending to infiltrate your Organization One."

"Ricky!" Ben hugged him. "I missed you so much."

Their awkward love scene was cut out.. again by Ansem the Brave.

M.C. Hammer, now wearing a pink outfit with a red wig went "Mmhmm." and nodded.

They all stood on the top of the clock tower in Twilight Town as a pigeon flew by overhead with Nick Cage's face.

The ending theme to the Star Wars movies started playing.

**The End.**

_Note: __Geez, we're sorry guys. That whole Ben Affleck contract and all. We gotta get our quota and at this point it's way easier to just make shit films than to actually TRY and entertain you guys. Hopefully we'll have a better script and will be kicked before the next installment comes out. Or maybe the studio will lose the rights. Here's hoping! :)_


	3. Ellipses Revenge

**KINGDOM HEARTS: THE MOVIE**

**III**

**EPLICLIPS'S REVENGE**

JAMES FRANCO

BEN AFFLECK

TOBEY MCQUIRE

LI BINGBING

ELIJAH WOOD

LEONARD NIMOY

JAMES WOODS

WOODY ALLEN

BERT REYNOLDS

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS

AND

WHOOPI GOLDBERG

A SAM REIMI FILM

(Means everyone dies)

**KINGDOM HEARTS: THE MOVIE**

**III**

**EPLICLIPS'S REVENGE**

"Now remember." Bert Reynolds said standing in the left over set of Asgard from Thor. "Use brings about wear, tear and rust. And that's a real shame."

James Franco and Li Bingbing exchanged glances.

"So how are we suppose to use the Keyblade then, ya old coot?!"

"Terra!" Bert Reynolds said. "You have a girl's name, but that's cool. I love you like a son anyway. Your sister, Aqua, is clearly the better student, she's more powerful, smarter, cares more, is better behaved and sexy too boot. But I'm clearly pulling male macho favoritism here and since Ven is just a kid, I won't put ANY faith in him whatsoever. You're clearly my choice for a successor..."

"Yes!" Jame Franco fist bumped Li Bingbing, who only smiled meekly.

"But Aqua. You've passed the test and are too sexy not to make Keyblade Master. Now you get your magnificent booty in this chair next to me, we're not really using this one so... yeah!" Bert beamed.

"Thank you, Master Epilipkiss."

"What? That's totally not fair man!" James fumed.

"Sorry, Terra, but you're clearly too filled with some ambient metaphysical darkness I have absolutely NO understanding of and that's clearly bad. You'll take all this the wrong way and pull a Darth Vader, probably killing me in the process, but hey.. it makes a smashing film."

"Aw man! This is righteous bullocks, and you know it!" James pointed accusingly.

Close nearby, but not close enough to be overheard, Leonard Nimoy spoke to his protege, a totally CG Vanitas voiced by Neil Patrick Harris.

"That girl... Terra.. she would make the perfect vessel for me."

"Are you kidding? That Aqua chick is totally the smokes. We should capture her. I mean if Terra already has Darkness, and I'm Ven's Darkness, that really only leaves her to foil your plot."

"Are you kidding? She's just a woman. She stands no chance against me in my role totally opposite that of my time spent as Spock aboard the U.S.S Enterprise.. Our 5 year mission.."

"Yeah, yeah, save me the theatrics. Since I'm a badass but also HUGELY sentimental, I'll divide up my time between my weaker lighter half and that righteous piece of meat, Aqua."

"Do as you wish. I, on the other hand must find out what makes this Terra person so manly. Warp speed Mr. Vanitas."

Meanwhile..

Tobey Mcquire woke up in his bed, his feet too big and raindrops keep falling on his.. yeah you get the point. He was a happy little go-getter but horribly crippled without the awesomeness that was Neil Patrick Harris.

Who miraculously appeared!

"You know that Terra guy will be totally different. Master Xehanort has his eyes set on him. Like he did was us."

"What?" Tobey said, adjusting his glasses since he had accidentally smudged them with his fidgety hands.

"That's right. The next time you see Terra.. he'll be a totally different person."

Tobey looked out his bedroom window to see that Terra was leaving.

"But he looks totally the same to me."

"Not now! You totally ruined it by going to the window man!"

"I don't get it."

"Of course not! You're a dumbass kid being played by an even stupider actor! Here.. let me explain: Master Xehanort will STEAL Terra's body!"

"Nooooo... Really?" Tobey raised his eyebrow. Then he smiled faintly. "Get out of here."

The CG Vanitas facepalmed his helmet. "Yes really, ya dumb little shit! What are you stupid?"

"Maybe... but if I'm stupid, what are you?"

"Oooooohh! I WILL get you for that! Beam me up Scotty!" A dark corridor opened behind him and he made the I'm watching you gesture to Tobey before he stepped through it.

"Boy... Master Ellipsis really lowered the standards on that entrance exam didn't he?"

Outside...

"Terra wait!" Li Bingbing grabbed James Franco's arm.

"What is it, you home wrecker?"

"It wasn't suppose to be like this. We were both suppose to pass and become masters."

"At the same time? I'm clearly older than you, I've probably failed this test a shit-load of times. Get off my back you damn... you... you!"

"Terra! Please!"

James Franco Mighty Morphin' Power Rangered and turned into the Red Gold and Black ranger and jumped on his speeder from Star Wars. But not before giving a thumbs up to completely awestruck Tobey Mcquire, who too had Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger abilities.

Li Bingbing, thinking it was a bad idea for James Franco to go alone, also Mighty Morphin' Power Rangered and took off in some weird self-propelled Bow vehicle.

Tobey, pulling a spiderman jumping from the window for his close up also Power Rangered and took off on a flying key.

"Well, shit." Bert said, standing there on the front steps. "My kids just packed up and left me... That'll look bad on the news..."

Due to really piss poor GPS products provided by Sony, the three power rangers all wound up in different places. But due to copyright issues we're only allowed to mention one of those places: Twilight Town.

Since we picked up the rights to the movie Twilight for a buck seventy five off ebay, we can confirm that this is the same town with questionable morals and weird love triangles between three people that each represent a dog, a bat and a bitch. (Read: Female dog)

There the three heros met...

"Sora! Kairi! Riku!" But not really, it was just Ben Affleck.

Ben, now sporting a big ass beard because it somehow makes him look the ideal part to play Batman stopped and said:

"Are you the keyblade masters?"

"Yes." James Franco and Li Bingbing said in unison.

"Uh... no, not yet." Tobey admitted.

"Get out of here you little troll!" James Franco sprayed Tobey with a spritzer bottle full of water.

Tobey scurried away yipping like a little dog.

"So, what's the mission, Master Sora?" Aqua asked, readying her high quality custom built prop keyblade.

James Franco had an even bigger one.

"We have to avenge Goody, Dinald, Ricky and Kary's deaths... they were all killed by the vile Master Bayensnort." He shed a tear because before this scene he was sprayed in the face with that stuff they use in movies to provoke the tear ducts.

He raised a Keyblade clearly made out of a wrapping paper tube and construction paper.

"Let's get him."

"But... Master Xehanort is MY new master." James Franco stated.

"What?" Ben and Li Bingbing said in unison.

"Yeah, I can take you right to his hideout and we can clear this whole mess up."

"Oh.. well, that's oddly convenient." Ben said.

"Tell me about it. It's GREAT being James Franco." James said as he Power Rangered once more.

Meanwhile out in the desert but Sam Reimi is PRETENDING it's close enough to the Keyblade Graveyard...

"Here they come, my little slave." Leonard Nimoy said to CG Vanitas. "Just in the nick of time. Before I die, I can steal myself a new body."

"Uh... Ventus isn't with them, my liege. Is that going to mess up the plan?" Neil Patrick Harris fogged up his visor speaking.

"No. Sam Reimi has thought of everything. When you battle Sora, who is also a heart of pure light due to terribly misconstruing the story from its original works, we will still be able to generate the X-Blade in an epic special effects scene that will baffle the fanboys for generations. And just you wait and see what he have in store for the fangirls. Heh heh heh..."

"Oooh. I like girls." Neil Patrick Harris admitted.

"Well anyone paying attention to the storyline of this game clearly knows that _I_ do not. Now get out there and capture that girly-named boy Terra for me."

"On it boss!"

Vanitas ran across the desert to challenge the three keybladers.

But since Sam Reimi either forgot or already killed off Xigbar he...

"Not so fast!" James Woods said. Pointing a glock at Li Bingbing's head.

"What?" James Franco gasped. "Who are YOU playing in this movie?"

"What? It's not apparent? I have the eyepatch and everything. I even has his iconic catchphrase: Yeah right!... that... is his catchphrase right?"

"Master BAYENSNORT!" Ben affleck started running across the desert to challenge his mortal enemy.

"Hey! Wait! Get back here kid!" James Woods went to go stop him, but Li Bingbing stabbed him in the chest with her Keyblade.

"Unlock this!" She said, solidifying herself with a barely memorable catchphrase.

"Oh no you didn't!" CG Vanitas clubbed Li Bingbing upside the head and she fell down extra dramatically. "Yeah that's right. Neil Patrick Harris has a Keyblade too!"

"This will be a REALLY epic fight!" James Franco said.

"Yeah too bad it'll be completely computer generated and we just have to make odd awkward grunting noises in this booth!"

"Ugh!"

"Oof!"

"Take this!"

"En Garde!" 

"Ouch! Watch the hand!"

"Seriously?! You call that an attack?! Take this!"

"Yeah well, he's my awesome finisher, wait.. what? We're done? I lost? But.. what? Ughhhhh!"

Neil Patrick Harris collapsed.

"James!" Tobey ran up to James Franco. "I mean- shit!... Terra! Master Xehanort killed Master Eckaclips."

"What?!" James Franco ran off to assist Ben.

Neil Patrick Harris grabbed Tobey Mcquire's leg.

"What?" Tobey was startled.

"We're.. the same... person..." The two blended together and turned into a beam of light. Now dead too.

"Ven! Ven!" Li Bingbing started to cry. "Terra's apparently not my love interest! You are! Ven! Come back to me! Veeeeeeen!"

She died in the growing light beam too.

James Franco stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. "Ven? Ven? VEN!"

Leonard Nimoy, dying from a fight he clearly had offscreen with Ben Affleck stumbled forward. "Terra... it is complete... the X-Blade is upon us.. give me your body!"

"What?" James Franco said, still wearing his armor.

Leonard Nimoy pulled out a ball of light from his chest and threw it at James Franco like a grenade!

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo o oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo!"

"Remember Sora..." Leonard Nimoy started, turning back to look at the beaten and bruised Keyblade Master. "Anything can happen..."

They were both enveloped in the death ray light beam...

...

...

...

**The End.**

**After the credits roll...**

**James Franco's armor dropped and he walked out across the barren desert... Though his face wasn't shown, a voice said:**

**"****This heart belongs again to darkness. All worlds begin in darkness, **and all so end. The heart is no different. Darkness sprouts within it—it grows, consumes it. Such is its nature. In the end, every heart returns to the darkness whence it came."

**The End... Again!**

_Note: __And that's the end of Ben Affleck's contract. Thanks for enjoying the movie and sticking with it until the end. Now you can pack up your stuff. Pull aside a friend or loved one or random movie acquaintance and discuss what we did wrong, what you liked, didn't like sort of liked and where we absolutely royally %# &ed up. And remember kiddies.. if there's something you didn't like:_

_Take it up with Sam Reimi, he decided to kill everyone off. Thought this ending was best. Toodles~!_


	4. The Cast's Revenge

**KINGDOM HEARTS: THE MOVIE**

**EXTRAS**

**COMMENTARY WITH THE CAST**

"So.. what's you initial impression working on this film?"

Kaiwee pursed her lips.

"I was completely appalled to be frank. I mean, they brought me back from the game to you know, lead some authentication to the film. But it became VERY apparent that they were just doing this to make money and maybe to promote some weirdo fetish or something."

"And that's why you chose to leave?"

"Of course. Me and David Boreanaz were very disappointed. It totally ruined our Kingdom Hearts experience. I think you'll see us avoid the series in the future."

-!-

"So, How did you enjoy this film?"

"Not a whole lot. I mean I was promised WAY more lines than the two I got." James Woods said. I was suppose to play the villain for the entire third film, but last minute they added.. or.. I should say re-added Leonard onto the film. And Leonard's a good guy, me and him would go out for coffee and recite our lines, but come to find out, most of my lines were just Vanitas' lines and I was complete dubbed over and replaced by CG technology. Not happy, my friend, not happy at all."

-!-

"Well, it's not the worst film I've been in. That'd be the last Resident Evil movie. Hands down. I mean, Ada's a cool character and I think I got her pretty down pat, but the rest of that movie was absolute shit." Li Bingbing admitted. "This film though had SOME merits. I mean... James Franco played a pretty good James Franco. But who else are you going to have do a role like that. I didn't like working with Tobey though.. he kind of smelled funny. Like an old gym locker or a sandwich you forgot about in the bottom of your purse."

-!-

"Hands down best movie I've ever done." Sam Reimi nodded. "I'll sign a paper saying something like that if you want. I've never succeeded in killing off the entire cast like that before. I'm glad Clorox kid gave me the creative freedom to do _whatever the hell_ I wanted.

-!-

"Eh...It's no Smoky and the Bandit... I miss those films..." Bert said.

-!-

"No comment." Sean Bean and Leonard Nimoy both agreed they had no comments.

-!-

George Clowney, still wearing the Goofy suit was just sitting there petting a pigeon.

-!-

A bucket was shown in a chair.

-!-

Elijah Wood laughed. "They thought it couldn't be done. But I did an AMAZING job playing a desert."

-!-

"Eh.. In all honesty, Kary's Revenge was an entry title for me. Just trying to show the world I was a competent fully-functional adult. Just because I'm three feet tall doesn't mean everyone can treat me like a little kid. And I hate those Lord of the Dingus movies." The top of somebody's head said.

-!-

"Practicing for the role of Ricky was probably the most difficult thing I've done. I mean, did you see all the running I had to do and some of the outfits I had to wear. And I had to do a LOT of stuff for this movie that made me uncomfortable. And none of those scenes made it into the final product. I had this whole "teaching Ricky how to use the flashlight" scene where I played the great wizard, Yen Sid. Where's that scene? There's a lot of intimate moments that George Clowney INSISTED upon filming and they just... weren't in the movie. I feel like I should get my attorney involved... But you know, I never turn down a movie. I'm a little disappointed they didn't bring me back for the third one though. Makes you feel kind of used.

-!-

"Actually, I was told we were doing a Spiderman 4. But this one was going to be reimagined where Peter Parker and Harry Potter were the same person... I was hired on through false pretenses... JUST like Spiderman 2 and 3. I still haven't been paid for those." Tobey Mcquire said.

-!-

James Franco steepled his fingers. "This movie was way too hectic. We were being hauled all over the place and a lot of the building we were filming in looked condemned. I got heat stroke out in the Sahara Desert! Luckily I got to keep this kickass key sword weapon thing though. Oh and I got Li Bingbing's number!... but it went straight to voicemail! And then I got beat up by that foreign guy from the Resident Evil movie she was in not too long ago. She's such a tease. Totally... into me. Yup. Totally. Though I think Sam Reimi has a thing for me too. He's ALWAYS hiring me for his movies. Always. I get paychecks for movies of his I'm not even IN, which is very uncommon and weird."

-!-

"What movie?" Ben Affleck asked. "I wasn't IN any movies... I really was fighting to save the universe. Goody really died. Why doesn't anyone believe me! Oh hey, look forward to the new Beckman movies. I played the Crapped Crusador. Did you interview Ricky? He hasn't been returning my calls."

-!-

Woody Allen opened his mouth to speak but we cut him off.

The End.


	5. Ricky's Revenge

**Christopher Nolan's**

**KINGDOM HEARTS: RE:Boot the CoMputer**

**THE MOVIE**

STARRING:

Al Pacino as Marluxia

Quentin Torantino as Lexaeus

Steve Buscemi as Vexen

Christoph Waltz as Zexion

Nicholas Cage as Riku

Jai Courtney as Axel

Emma Watson as Larxene

George Clowney as Goofy

And...

Ben Affleck as Sora.

... So... lots happened but part way through filming the cast all had their memories wiped and all records of this period of time are gone. Except Ricky. Ricky remembers. Ricky remembers everything. And he burned all the film reels prior to distribution. Sorry.


End file.
